Trying again...

...I used to blog a lot & I think I was pretty good. Of course, being an impulsive twit, I deleted all my back catalogue. So, you'll just have to believe me. Recently, with all the changes taking place in my life I'm gonna give it another shot.

The Heat Mantra:
As a younger man/boy I thought the coolest man alive was Robert De Niro's character from Heat. And being an emo-tool who revelled in self-inflicted & artificial misery, I thought the coolest words ever spoken in film were,

A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

Well, I learnt my lesson on that one. Years after bollockings-up something that was good (not perfect, not terrible, but real...good), I watched Heat for the last time in my present home. I'm moving on again & it seemed like a good bookend to my time here. After watching the movie so many times, I finally saw the scene that I should have seen all those years ago:

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I know life is short, whatever time you get is luck. You want to walk? You walk right now. Or on your own... on your own you choose to come with me. And all I know is... all I know is there's no point in me going anywhere anymore if it's going to be alone... without you.

Yes, I know it's all about living & growing but how far can one man shove his head up his own butt...and isn't there a reward for repentance? No absolution in confessing to past sins?

I'll admit it now, movies get to me. More so than even novels or songs. And all my favourite movies involve guys going big for the chick. Even if all hopes are lost, he puts it all on the line for her. Take most Michael Mann films, his heroes (Neil MaCauley, Sonny Crockett, Max Durocher Hawkeye etc) all put their lives on the line for the girl. Mann's stuff is some of the most hyper-machissmo out there. And all I can see now is how a guy, says she's worth it all, not a doubt in his mind (or maybe Mann just got caught in a writing rut).

So, I guess I am confessing to the world that I think LOVE IS IT. The fear, doubts & pain are worth it. And love is always enough.